I was not sure, where life would go
If I would raise babies, if I would raise pets
If I would get married and do things that way
If I’d travel the world or chase after my dreams
The vision was there but it was not clear
I was not sure where life would go
I just knew I had to show up, I had to buckle down because one thing about me; i cannot give up
I was not sure what this pain was about, it was emotional, mental & physical… without a doubt
I showed up every day & did the best that I could
But the pain was too much sometimes, my insides felt glued
I was not sure where life would go, but I just kept going, trying to find ways to feel better
Make it a good day, don’t even worry about the weather
Expressing how I felt, sounding like I’m full of excuses
Trying to be great but inside i feel useless
I was not sure where life would go
But I went about it;
“Everything is normal,” so that’s what I thought
All I knew was to fight it so…. We fought
I was not sure where life would go until I made it to the ER one too many times
I demanded answers even though I was risking not being given the time
I became so desperate, I said “take it all out”
I was not sure where life would go any way, how it would even play out
I accepted that i would raise pets and not babies instead, I knew that none of this was all in my head
I would never be called “mom,” I would never know that love
I will have a scar forever, “I’m getting too old any way,” acting like it was no big deal just so that this pain and I can sever
I was not sure where life would go, but I continue to wonder if it will ever end, if me and this “thing” in my body, are supposed to be “friends”
Will I ever feel okay for more than a couple of days?
I am not sure where life is going, but I am here now…. Feeling crazy for waiting patiently for it to disappear somehow
This hit me straight in the heart. The way you put this into words, the uncertainty, the strength it takes to keep showing up through the pain, and that quiet hope that things might finally get better, it’s everything.
You’re not alone in this. So many of us have felt that same mix of exhaustion and determination, and it takes so much courage to keep going anyway. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart, it’s a reminder that healing isn’t always clear, but showing up like you do is powerful.
This hit me so badly. Thank you for sharing this. It’s so hard to put what’s happening to us in words because how do you tell someone you might not have kids..? When it was all you’ve ever wanted. Someone who’s never had this doesn’t understand the pains we go through and thats okay and im glad if they would like to understand they can read this poem. please post it to TikTok 
and lmk if you do.